I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize