I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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