Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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