She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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