one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You pole danced in your parka.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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