i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
