why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
