I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I could make wine with my vomit
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
