Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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