I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
