Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
