We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
