Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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