My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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