i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
