My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
