Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
