His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
