i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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