Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
