you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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