You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
