this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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