Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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