I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
