Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
