1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
