3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
