I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
