Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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