My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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