I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
