Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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