Whod you bang
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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