Little spoons don't ask big questions
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
