And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
