The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
