I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
