I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
