I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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