everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Are my feet made of real feet?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize