I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
