I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
