My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize