and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
