is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
