Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
