Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
