So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
