I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
being pregnant is like rehab
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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