can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
