I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
