I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
