6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She's JV to your varsity
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
