Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
