I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
