I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
