remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
