Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
