I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
