I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
