you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
