oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
