You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
