My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
