just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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