So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I didn't notice because vodka
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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